Dear two year old,

Dear two year,

I love you dearly but I have to ask, are you bipolar or are you just trying to drive me bat shit crazy? I'm serious, one minute you're so sweet and giving me hugs and kisses and then the next minute you're screaming bloody murder because I said that you can't have cereal for the third time today. You lift your little arms up to me for consoling then as soon as I sit you on my lap for a hug, you slide off, thrown yourself on the floor and go back to screaming. This goes on for thirty minutes or so before you run off to your room because you heard your sister playing with Barbies. I take a huge sigh of relief that your meltdown is over. But the dramatics are never truly over. It's more like the calm before the storm. Next thing I know you're in hysterics simply because you can't find the exact barbie shoes you wanted even though there are five pairs sitting right in front of you. You've also decided that you have to have the barbie that you're sister has spent the last twenty minutes playing with. I have to defend your sister and tell you that she had it first when all I really want to do is scream "OH MY GOD, JUST GIVE HER THE DAMN THING!" But I'm a responsible parent so of course I can't do that. So I resort to turning on your favorite show. Have I mentioned how sick I am of watching Mickey Mouse? But it's not enough to sit with me on the couch, you need your favorite blanket, your favorite pillow, and at least 5 out of 20 of your favorite stuffed animals. And Heaven forbid if I don't know where any of these are!

What other offenses have I committed today to make you act out the scariest scenes of Exorcist?

I told you that you can't have my coffee. (which you then drank as soon as I walked out of the room)

I put my icee up where you can't reach it. (you then just waited till I walked away, dumped out the barbie crate, flipped it upside down, and used it to reach the icee)

I told you that you can't have a pop tart at 4:30 when I'm about to start dinner in half an hour. 

I told you no to going outside to play when it's pouring down rain. 

I told you that you had to clean up the blocks that you scattered all over my living room floor. 

I told you that you can't use crayons to draw on the dry erase board. 

I told you to sit down at the table and eat your dinner. 

And the biggest offense of all......I informed you that it was BED TIME! 

But as big of a pain in the ass as you are, I love you to the moon and back. And one day, when you're a parent, and your kids are driving you crazy to the point of needing a straight jacket, I can sit back and laugh knowing that revenge has been served! lol