I Do

Well we finally did it. Josh and I got married a few weeks ago. He's only been waiting for nineteen years! lol. We put the entire wedding together in ten days! We had been engaged for three years but I just wasn't ready. Every time I even considered getting married before I ended up with an anxiety attack. It was nothing personal towards Josh, I was just freaked out after already having one bad marriage. I really don't know what changed things for me, something just kind of clicked I guess. We had some problems with taxes last year and the lady from the IRS told us things would be easier if we got married. That alone was not a good enough reason in my mind. We discussed it randomly for a couple months and I tossed the idea around in my head for a while. Then one day, I literally told him, screw it, let's just do it! And amazingly, it felt ok. No anxiety attack. But it needed to be done before the end of the year. Hence planning a wedding in ten days!

Originally we were just going to go down to the courthouse to do it but I knew how much having an actual wedding meant to him. I couldn't manage a church wedding so we went for the next best thing. Pot Luck style at our favorite park. Sounds strange I know but it was totally fitting with our personalities. Every day through all the planning I took a minute to stop and asses, see if I was still ok. If the anxiety was creeping back in. It never did. Yeah, I was stressed with the planning but not with the idea of marrying Josh. Our wedding was simple but nice. Our friends did a wonderful job pitching in and helping with all the preparations. A really good friend of ours, Dizzy, actually got ordained and performed the ceremony for us. She mixed the perfect amount of sweet with witty sarcasm. The only things that came close to "going wrong" were actually pretty amusing afterwards. It was supossed to be a nice warm 64 degrees out that day. It ended up being more like 46 degrees and really windy. The planned fifteen minute ceremony turned out to be more like 5 minutes! And our wonderful friend/minister got nervous and had us all sign the marriage license in the wrong spots and put the wrong date. We spent the day after the wedding going to the courthouse to get a new license and tracking down the groom, best man, maid of honor and minister to resign the new license! Being the sweet blushing bride that I am, I told Dizzy to bring me my favorite icee and all would be forgiven. lol.

Nothing has physically changed since we got married. But there are definitely differences. He's happier now and I feel a greater sense of commitment. It makes both of us act a lot nicer and lovable towards each other. There are still days where he drives me bat shit crazy and I'd love to hit him over the head with a frying pan. But I don't. And when I feel overwhelmed by life instead of giving in to the intense anger that that usually makes me feel, I take a time out and then tell Josh that I love him and we'll get through it. Things haven't magically become perfect since we said I Do, but I do feel like I really have a partner in all this craziness for the first time ever.